7 Tips to help you!
Happy New Year! For many people the beginning of the New Year feels like it’s the right time to ditch something old and/or begin something new. The trouble is so many New Years Resolutions never make it into February – let alone beyond it. So today, let me share with you the reasons why getting your resolutions into reality can be so challenging. I’ll talk about the stumbling blocks that people frequently encounter, and give you some tips on how to make your New Year’s Resolution become true!
We are creatures of habit
Everyone evolves: it’s simply not true to say people don’t change! However, most people make very gradual changes over a long period of time and so it often seems like people don’t change. Every now and again though, like at the beginning of the year, or at a significant birthday, or when life throws you a wobbly, there is an urge to change quickly. At times like this we tell everyone we are going to; stop smoking / become slimmer / get fit / find a new job / find a new love… and then two weeks later, we slip back into our old ways. We put it down to lack of will power. We beat ourselves up about it, and laugh it off if anyone asks how we’re doing.
Tip 1. Changing things quickly, is not our natural way. This doesn’t mean that changes can’t be wrought quickly: they can, but I want you to know that change is far more challenging than people think. So be proud of any changes you are making. When you slip up (everyone does: see below), it doesn’t mean you have failed—it’s means you need to adjust something in the change process, and then have another go at it.
Rewiring the brain
Our current natural way of living, our personal habits, are our default responses to stimuli. For example, if someone pokes fun at you, you have your own ‘normal’ way of reacting. It could be; poking fun back, laughing, squirming, blushing, becoming defensive, or even running away. The way you respond is down to how your neurons (tiny brain cells) ‘talk’ to each other. When we do things repeatedly, strong connections are formed between certain neurons, creating neural pathways. The pathways of well established habits are like super highways: they allow the brain to access memories, responses and behaviours at the speed of light. To break your old ways/habits (eating, drinking, smoking, how you deal with relationships and so on) means you need to rewire your brain – create new neural pathways.
Tip 2. To rewire your brain (make new neural pathways) you need to repeatedly do your new action/behaviour. Every time you do things in your new way, new neural pathways are formed. If you persist, your new neural pathway will become a super highway. During this time, it’s normal for you to get frustrated because it takes longer and doesn’t ‘feel’ natural to you. Give yourself time for this change to happen. Persistence really pays!
Stages of change
There are many stages of change, but I believe there are 4 key ones. I call these:
1. The Awareness Stage. You are aware that you want/need to change something in your life. You can be in the awareness stage for weeks, months or even years.
2. The New Year’s Resolution Stage. You are ready – and you begin to make changes. However, more than likely, you will slip back into your old ways. At this point, most people give up. PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP! Most people have to go through this stage many times. Each time you do so, you will learn and refine how to make it work for you. And each time you attempt the new way, you are creating a stronger neural pathway – getting closer to the super highway you need to be successful.
3. The Results Stage. You begin to notice the changes. Other people begin to notice them too. This stage is highly motivating. Your new outward actions and your internally work are creating a new, strong neural pathways. And it feels good!
4. Unconsciously Competent Stage. You now have a new neural super highway. You don’t even have to consciously think about your new way. It’s how you drive a car or tie your shoelaces. You no longer have to remember the individual steps to make it happen. You do it mostly on autopilot. When you’re here, it’s time to celebrate!
And then, in a Zen-like way, when you have mastered the 4th stage, it’s also time to go back to stage 1! But I’ll save that for another day!
Tip 3. Stage 2 is the hardest one to get past. When you slip up, as you will inevitably do, please don’t be hard on yourself. It has nothing to do with lack of will power, or the person you are. Get-up and try again. What have you learnt about this new change so far? Can you refine it? Is there an easier way to make this happen? Do you need some support?
One thing at a time
When the urge to change arises, people often want to change many things all at once. When you have complimentary changes, like losing weight and becoming fitter, then it is possible to weave these changes together and be successful. But if you want to lose weight, get a new job and move to a new location, then trying to do them all at once is too distracting and demanding. Chose to focus on one change: the one that will make you the happiest.
Tip 4. Prioritize the changes you want to make. Success in one area empowers you to make changes in other areas.
Fast tracking changes
If you are determined to make significant changes quickly, then you have a far greater chance of success if you find (and allow!) someone to help you.
Coaching. All coaches, even those who trained at the same coaching school, work in different ways. I help my clients by ‘walking’ with them. I hold a torch and shine it on the potholes and the new opportunities on the horizon. I teach my clients new life-skills, and help them heal. My style is challenging, as I like to ‘dance’ with life’s wondrous possibilities. I like to help people laugh and the ridiculous muddles we all get ourselves into. And I care deeply about the person whilst I walk along this part of their path with them. My style works for many people, but not for everyone. There are literally thousands of coaches out there. Generalists like me, and specialists for every area of your life. If you wish to be coached – to fast track your changes – investigate several different coaches to find a good match to you.
Hypnosis, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique: this is also something I can help you with), TFT (Thought Field Therapy) and NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) are excellent ways to make changes where the stumbling blocks are fear, emotional or phobia based. The changes are frequently instant and usually permanent. They all work in slightly different ways, but they all alter the neural connections in the brain.
Talking, and sharing with a friend or finding a support group is another great way to fast track changes. Knowing that you are not the only one struggling with the issues, learning from how others see and deal with things, is an incredibly powerful motivator. Helping someone else do what you want makes making your own changes easier to do too!
Tip 5. Get some help! This is the best way to fast-track changes in your life.
Loving yourself
To my regular readers, I know I must appear like a stuck record on this topic, but I really want for people to really begin to love themselves!! The vast majority of people only care for themselves as much as it required to get-by. The lack of self worth (and therefore lack self love being administered) is at epidemic levels in our culture. When you start loving yourself fully, then lots of the habits you want to change, ones typically listed as New Years Resolutions, will begin to melt away. Loving yourself begins by treating yourself they way you would treat someone who was really dear to you: with tenderness, gentleness, thought and kindness.
Tip 6. Be kind, loving and gentle with yourself. Busting a blood vessel at the gym, starving yourself, working all hours under the sun – this is punishing yourself. You can make the changes you want without being mean to yourself. Give yourself the time and love it takes to make this change happen. You are worth it!
Give yourself realistic timeframes
A frequent wish for New Years Resolutions is to become fitter and/or slimmer. If you need to lose more than a few lbs, then a healthy weight loss is 1–2lbs a week, so if you need to lose a stone that means it will take at least 7 weeks. Depending on how long it was since you had a level of fitness (muscles have ‘memories’ of former fitness), regaining it will take between 6–12 weeks. Expecting massive change after just 2 weeks is simply unrealistic.
Tip 7. Mark your calendar with goal posts to what you desire. Having set dates is a much better way than thinking, “In 6 weeks I will…” because ‘6 weeks’ can keep slipping, whereas ‘By the end of January / my birthday / Easter I will…” is less likely to be put off or ignored.
…and finally
You CAN get your resolutions past February – and beyond. I hope this Tip has helped you. If you need more of a helping hand and would like to explore what it is like to be coached by me, then please call me on 01305 821799 or 0845 83 86 733 (lo call rate) or email me, jennie@reddandelion.co.uk to find out more.