I know Christmas can feel like hard work. I know too that it’s over commercialized—not to mention expensive—but inside of me there still remains a child-like delight, wonder and hope that this season brings. I really love the bright-coloured lights, the scent of pine from the tree, receiving cards from old friends, spending time with my family and naturally, any unusual-shaped presents under the tree definitely arouses my curiosity!

Last weekend I began my Christmas shopping. As I was in London it was a good chance to track down some presents for my daughters: not their main presents, but the little stocking fillers. I get a lot of pleasure from buying these. They’re the little unasked-for gifts. Little gems that I’ve noticed my daughters like, as well as things that have become part of our family tradition. These are little gifts of love.

I’ve never met anyone who disliked opening their presents on Christmas Day. Giving gifts to others and receiving them is, usually, easy even joyous. But if I ask my clients to give a gift of love to themselves—that’s usually a whole different story!

Being selfish—in a healthy way

“Don’t be selfish!” is a frequent admonishment heard in our childhood years. At the time of being told off, more-than-likely you weren’t sharing toys or time and so, yes, it probably was the right thing to hear. However, messages like this frequently get stuck into the subconscious mind, and are adhered to in adulthood without questioning whether it’s helping you or not.

Never putting the ‘self’ first because your subconscious has the belief “I don’t want to be (seen as) selfish” is, to my mind, not good for you. Nor in the long run is it good for those you love and with whom you don’t wish to be selfish! I’m not talking about becoming hedonistic: just I see so many people, especially women, who never put their needs first and as a consequence they run their lives constantly in the red.

The process of truly looking after yourself means that at times, you need to put your ‘self’ first. The self—what I call the ‘me’ of who I am—needs time out sometimes, for pampering, to be allowed to follow a whim, a passion or desire. This is to replenish, to nurture and to fulfill. This is sometimes a difficult concept for people to see, so let me flip the coin and help you see what happens when you don’t (sometimes) put your ‘self’ first. When you always put the needs of others first, what happens to you? Do you become tired, grumpy and perhaps even begrudging? It’s hard to give abundantly, easily and gracefully if you have not had enough ‘me-time’. Taking time to look after your ‘self’ means you don’t end up resenting those who need your time and love.

Coming from personal experience…

Before I became a coach, I remember vividly what seemed to be a simple challenge issued to me by my coach. I was requested to take 10 minutes each day just for me. I was to treat this time as sacrosanct. I was not to do anything relating to work, looking after my children nor do anything related to my home. It was just for me.

This challenge was one of the biggest wake-up calls I have ever had: for I found it really difficult. My brain was telling me that out of 16 hours (waking time), surely I could find 10 minutes of quality time each day—just for me? The reality though was different. I realized with sadness that practically every minute of every day was taken up serving the needs of others. I was on a giant hamster wheel, working hard to be good graphic designer, a loving mum, an inspiring boss and a good friend. Even Wilma’s needs (our dog) came before my own. I enjoyed lots of what I was doing, BUT taking 10 minutes out just to ‘be’ me, to actively choose what I wanted to do without judging my ‘self’, nor feeling guilty, was really tough. How had I managed to create my life where finding 10 minutes was so hard? The only person who could change this was me. If I wanted a life where taking 10 minutes was easy, I needed to change the way I thought about and prioritized my life. I also knew that the near exhaustion that was my constant companion at that time often got in the way of my good intentions: my daughters, employees, friends and Wilma were sometimes short-changed, for I simply had nothing more to give. I truly did not want (could not) keep living like this. So I began giving myself permission to have 10 minutes each day that was just for me.

Having a full petrol tank

When you give yourself the gift of time and love, it’s like filling-up your petrol tank. When your ‘petrol tank’ is full, and a loved one needs your help, it’s easy to put your foot on the pedal. If however your petrol gauge is constantly in the red, how willing are you to push the pedal down? And for how long?

The best ever gift to yourself and those you love

At this time of the year it’s so easy to be running doubly fast on the hamster wheel of life. Even though there is a lot of pleasure to be found in buying presents, decorating the tree, writing cards, attending parties and events, it can also be hard to find the time to do it all. If your petrol gauge is in the red in the run-up to the festivities, do take 10 minutes (or more) on nurturing, pampering and doing things that are just for you. It’s truly not selfish – it will give you back the energy and love you need to enjoy Christmas.

…and finally

2010: a New Year and the beginning of a new decade! Are you ready to change your life for the better? Will this be the ‘the’ year you grab hold of your life and shape it into something really special? If yes, I’d love to help you! Why not book a trial session with me to see how I can help you? Call me on 01305 821799 or lo-call/free rate 0845 83 86 733 or email me: jennie@reddandelion.co.uk