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Who do you blame?

man pointing finger Just now there are many people being blamed for things that are going wrong. America for the Credit Crunch. The Mortgage Lenders and Banks for being irresponsible/greedy. China and Indian for needing more oil. Global Warming, poor weather and oil prices for our increased food costs. Our Government for not managing things very well. The stock markets for panicking. I could go on, but I'm sure you see the picture I'm painting.

Closer to home, do you blame others too? Perhaps your spouse for not loving / caring / understanding you in the way you want? Or your boss for asking you to work too many hours? Or your children/family for not helping you more? And perhaps again, the Credit Crunch for not being able to sell your house?

It's sad to see that blaming is increasingly accepted as OK. By the way, have you seen the ad on the TV where a guy on a ladder falls to the ground as the ladder slips down the wall its propped up against? The voice of the 'victim' says something along the lines of: “…I was given the wrong kind of ladder…” Is this just me? What has happened to using common sense? Like ensuring you have the right tools for the job? Or making sure you have someone to support the ladder whilst you drill into the wall it's propped up against!! Aghhh… as you can tell, this ad really gets to me!!

Although it feels like there is very little we can do to change events globally – we can all choose to change how we live our lives. So, today, I'd like you talk about shifting from blame into being fully responsible for your life – as this is one of the cornerstones of becoming successful. When global events impact on our lives as they are doing just now, there is a sense there is nothing we can do, and even a paralyzing sense of helplessness, BUT we can begin to take charge of our own lives, begin to be fully responsible for every part it. In doing this, our actions do begin to change things globally too.

DROP THE BLAMING: THE WAY TO BECOME SUCCESSFUL
Let me begin by picking-up on the wisdom of others: Wayne Dyer, co-author of How to Get What You Really, Really, Really, Really Want writes: “All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you”. An even stronger message comes from Jack Canfield in his book, The Success Principles. “You will never become successful as long as you continue to blame someone or something else for your lack of success. If you are going to be a winner, you have to acknowledge the truth—it is you who took the actions, thought the thoughts, created the feelings, and made the choices that got you to where you are now. It was you!

You are the one who ate the junk food.
You are the one who didn't say no!
You are the one who took the job
You are the one who stayed in the job
You are the one who chose to believe them
You are the one who ignored your intuition
You are the one who abandoned your dream
You are the one who bought it
You are the one who didn't take care of it
You are the one who decided you had to do it alone
You are the one who trusted him
You are the one who said yes to the dogs.

My coaching style is to help people accept themselves for who they now (something that sadly doesn't always happen in everyday life), inspire hope, and then hold the space for people to step-up and make the changes they want in their lives. Making people feel bad for what they have done or allowed to happen in the past, doesn't, in my view, help people push through and change. In comparison, Jack Canfield's approach feels more like a wet fish slap across the face, but I feel sure it's because he wants people to wake up – to begin to take full responsibility for their lives.

In order for us to have a better world, we need to take personal responsibility for ourselves. For example, the Credit Crunch may indeed be largely down to the banks borrowing and lending to each other when they shouldn't have done so, but many of us also asked for mortgages that were beyond our means, believing that we could have the house of our dream now, or we purchased things on a credit card without working out when or if we could actually pay for them.

A KEY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SUCCESSFUL AND UNSUCCESSFUL PEOPLE
Most people assume that successful people rose to where they are through good luck and hard work. I believe they had a fair share of both. Fair share. In other words, I believe everyone gets some good luck. What is less widely considered is that these people also have the same amount of 'yuk' stuff thrown at them as you and I too. A key difference between successful people and those who don't (or don't quite) make it, is that they don't blame others for whatever yuk stuff landed in their laps. Even when it is blatantly someone else's mistake, error or fault, successful people look at these set-backs very differently from most people. They look for ways to put things right as fast as they can. They look at what can be learnt from this and see if there are any opportunities within the yuk stuff. They put in steps to stop it happening in the future, and they believe it will make them more successful in the long run. Winston Churchill summed it perfectly: “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist see opportunity in every difficulty”.

CHANGING YOUR BLAMING HABITS
All change begins with awareness. So begin by listening to both the way you talk to others (and your self talk) to see if you are on the blaming band-wagon. If you catch yourself moaning, blaming, and/or grumbling about what others (including banks, Governments, and companies) are doing or have done, then stop yourself and begin to ask how to change this. Often it helps to 'step outside of yourself'. Pretend for a moment that whatever you are dealing with, is happening to someone else. What are all the possibilities for someone in your shoes?

In these situations, my clients usually come up with one or two different solutions to whatever they are facing. I challenge them to come up with at least 10 solutions. After offering them a ridiculous solution to kick off some lateral thinking, they always come up with many more solutions. One of these, the 'stretched-for' solutions is often a much better way of moving forward than what they were doing. Grab a pen and paper, and challenge yourself to do this. There are many, many different ways to approach, do or be with any given situation. If you stick with the same pattern of behaviour, actions or responses, this simply leads to more of the same. Change then means taking a step into the unknown by doing things differently from before. Are you ready to begin changing yourself and the world? I hope so!

…AND FINALLY
Helping people change things in their lives is at the core of what I do! I have many, many different ways to help you – no matter if you think it's hopeless, that you're at a cross-roads and don't know which way to go, or you're in a rut, or stuck in the mud, or hitting brick walls – these don't faze me! I will help you change! All you need is a heart felt desire and a willingness to experiment doing things in a new way. Call me on 01305 821799, or on 0845 83 86 733 (lo call rate) or email me at jennie@reddandelion.co.uk to book a trial coaching session. Payments for this can be made online.

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