life coaching tip - from march 08

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Are your beliefs holding you back?

lock and chain In May 2004, I wrote my second ever Tip. It was on Limiting Beliefs and written in honour of Roger Bannister's 50th anniversary of breaking the
4 minute mile. Not only was this record a huge personal achievement for Bannister, it broke 9 years of people believing that it was impossible for man to run a mile in less than 4 minutes. Because Bannister smashed this record, other athletes also began to believe it was possible, and just one month later John Landy broke Bannister's record, followed quickly by many more athletes. The Tip on Limiting Beliefs used this story as an analogy for how many of us believe our dearest held dreams are not possible and how to begin changing that to break our own limiting beliefs.

As beliefs are a key topic of personal development, I thought it was time to have another look at it so you can understand how some of your beliefs may be holding you back.

HOW BELIEFS GET IN YOUR WAY
We each have many thousands of beliefs. The vast majority are not in our consciousness, but hidden in the depths of our subconscious. Most of our beliefs come from what I call our "Family Map" – the world as painted to us by our family, community, teachers and guides when we were young. Largely we accept these ideas, thoughts and knowledge as truths, and take them on as beliefs even though we frequently have no proof for them. For example, growing up in a family where the beliefs is: "To earn a good income, you have to work very hard", means that more than likely you will also believe this unquestioningly – until perhaps you get stuck.

Beliefs are observations about reality and yourself that you have chosen – albeit perhaps unconsciously. Your beliefs then colour your world and play an important role in your reality. In my view what you believe and think about, you will make true for yourself. For example, if you believe that you will get the job promotion you dream of, you will think about it a lot. You will feel the emotions connected to it: the pride, satisfaction and joy. You will 'see' ways of making it happen. Your belief that you will get this promotion will keep it in the forefront of your mind and heart. Unless there is a stronger belief countering it, your belief means you are very likely to get it or an even better position will manifest itself into your life very soon.

Lets though look at the flip side – sometimes it's easier to see! If you believe that life is hard, then absolutely it will become hard. But life was not (is not) hard until you started to think (believe) it is so. If this is a new belief, then in the beginning you may remember the idea that life is hard was just a thought: an opinion. But over time, your subconscious will filter information according to this belief. It will 'collect' all evidence to support the idea that indeed life is hard. Any information that suggests life may be easy, will be dismissed and rationalized as not applying to you. And so your belief, life is indeed hard is born, validated and proved. And yet, I hope you can see that I could easily say, "Life is easy". Or good, delightful, fun, easy or anything you want it to be. And if you believed it to be so, then it too would become so.

Mike Dooley in his CD recordings: "Infinite Possibilities: the Art of Living your Dreams", has a great analogy for explaining how beliefs work. Let me share this with you. His analogy goes like this. All of our thoughts are sifted through by our beliefs which act as filters. They allow thoughts through that we believe are plausible. They dismiss those that are outlandish / or we think don't apply to us. In this way, we can imagine our beliefs are like wearing sunglasses. How we see the world, our reality and ourselves will be seen according to the tint of the sunglasses we wear. If your sunglasses are tinted blue, your view will be different from your friend's who might be wearing yellow, purple, green or even rose coloured glasses. The world looks different from when viewed with different tints. What we are seeing is not necessarily the reality – it is the view of it as seen through our sunglasses. On top of this most of us will usually forget that we are indeed wearing sunglasses. Now imagine that everyone has their own unique tinted sunglasses. In this way, is it possible that you simply won't see some of the colours and hues of life as seen by others? We get so used to our 'view' we forget that the world may actually look quite different if we wore a different tint or were able to see the world without our sunglasses. And, whilst we often struggle to see how we 'see' the world, we so easily see other people's tints and how they view it!

HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM LIMITING BELIEFS
If our limiting beliefs are hidden in our subconscious, if we are wearing tinted sunglasses that we don't even know we are wearing, which shape how we see our world, if our beliefs were laid down in our childhood, how the dickens are we supposed break free?

Expressed like that, it would be easy to throw your arms up in the air and despair! BUT, please don't! There are ways of breaking free.

Writing down beliefs that nurture and support you is a good thing to do as you will reinforce the positive beliefs you hold. However, trying to play detective for those that may be holding you back, generally doesn't work. Instead start noticing what you are saying in conversations, in your own self-talk and how you act/react in certain situations. For example if you are job hunting, you might be saying to your friends: "I can't find a job that's right for me" or "I'd love to do that, but it doesn't pay enough" or "No-one wants to employ someone as old as me" or "You have to have connections/qualifications – and I don't". Notice each one of these frequently spoken statements has limiting beliefs around self-worth, value and scarcity. These statements are just observations, judgments, or a view that you are believing to see as true. Someone else in your very same situation could choose the exact opposite: that they were going to find a job that was perfect for them. That they would find a job they loved doing and which paid them well and so forth. Each person will make their reality come true. The person believing it is hard to find a good job will find it so. The person believing it is easy to find a great job will also find it so.

THE STEP BY STEP APPROACH
When you notice something that you think is holding you back try stepping into the middle ground. For example if you think you it's hard to lose weight, trying to force yourself into the belief that it's easy to lose weight, will usually backfire. The stretch is simply too big. But what if you began toying with the idea that "It might be easy to lose weight" or "I am open to the idea that I can lose weight easily". Can you see how these are easier to grasp hold of and help you to start moving forward?

Making it realistic in your mind also works. If for example you dream of driving a Ferrari but currently drive a Ford, trying to believe you can make this step in one fell swoop would (for most people) be too big. However, if you believed that you soon would be driving a top of the range BMW, then this is what I call a stretch – but do-able. Then when you own and drive that BMW, the Ferrari is much closer, easier for you to believe in, therefore you greatly increase your chances of making this dream come true too.

GETTING CLEAR
Most people continue to believe and think in a very similar way all of their lives. The rich think about abundance, wealth and success. They believe they will have it. And so they do. The moderately well off, will think they're OK, that they can enjoy most things, have an OK life, and they too do. And those that are struggling will focus on the struggle, their poverty and lack of opportunities and so their lives will often continue in this vein too. And yet everyone – EVERYONE – can change their beliefs and thoughts to create the lives they want to lead. Often it is easier to have someone work with you on breaking free of limiting beliefs. I help my clients though my coaching and Empathic Healing. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is another powerful tool. As are various forms of healing, for many beliefs are intimately entwined in our emotional baggage that we inherited from childhood. See a list of people I strongly recommend – people who have helped me break free – who might be able to help you too.

…AND FINALLY
If you are still stuck, I have many, many different ways to help you – no matter if you think it's hopeless, that you're at a cross-roads and don't know which way to go, or you're in a rut, or stuck in the mud, or hitting brick walls – these don't faze me! I will help you change! All you need is a heart felt desire and a willingness to experiment doing things in a new way. Call me on 01305 772220, or on 0845 8386 733 (lo call rate) or email me, jennie@reddandelion.co.uk to book a trial coaching session.

WHAT NEXT?
Try out a coaching session! I offer a discounted trial session for £35. This is for anyone who would like to see what it is like to be coached by me. To book, call me on 01305 772220 or 0845 83 86 733 (lo call rate) or email me to book your session. You can pay by credit card, bank transfer or cheque.

Click here for the pdf file.