life coaching tip – september 08

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7 Steps to change the important things in your life

leopard spots Leopards may never change their spots, but we are constantly changing – despite expressions to the contrary! Change is part of our nature. We want to experience new things in our lives: see what it's like to be, do or have things that are different from now. We also want to change things that aren't working for us. This is at the heart of living: without desires, we wouldn't bother getting out of bed! Yet we also often struggle with change: we get stuck, hit a brick wall; come to a cross-roads, keep repeating an old pattern of behavior. So here are some of my coaching tips to help you bring the changes you desire into your life.

STEP 1 – Getting clear about what you want
It may seem obvious, but it's important to get really clear on what it is you want to change. Often there is vagueness like, "I want to be happy" But what exactly makes you happy? Or, "I want to be rich". Are we talking thousands or millions in your definition of rich? Or,
"I want to meet my soul-mate". Whilst it is tricky defining any person you wish to have enter your life, most people know the key values and behaviours of this person. To get really clear, try writing it down. If it's a material object you desire, describe it exactly as it would appear in a catalogue. If it's a new habit, write about the how, when and what it is. Write too about what you need to make it happen: money, resources, information, connections, new skills etc. It can be challenging, but the more detail you include the more 'real' it will become to you.

STEP 2 – Double check the reason why you want this change
Are there any 'shoulds' in your desired change? Like: "I should lose weight", or "I should be promoted" or maybe even "I should be happy". Know that whenever there is a 'should' in a desired change, your brain is trying to override your heart. If your heart truly wants something, 'should' doesn't exist. Should is usually coming from a source outside of yourself: society, family, friends or even the media. Trying to force yourself to change when your heart is not in it, simply doesn't work. If there is a 'should', ask yourself what is it you really want. For example, it it's about losing weight, is this the real goal? Or is it connected to something else? Perhaps wanting more confidence, being thought of as attractive, or wanting to feel sexy? If it's about a job promotion, is the core reason wanting to be respected, earn more money or to appease a spouse? And so on. The heart and head need to work together when creating change – neither is very good when working alone. My view is that it's much better to allow your heart to lead and let your head work out the detail.

STEP 3 – Be open to other possibilities
Although this sounds like a contradiction to Step 1, it's important to stay open to possibilities. The fastest and easiest route to your desired change may not be the way you originally imagined it. Each outcome has many ways it can be achieved. Limiting yourself to just one way it can happen, slows down your progress. For example, getting a new job may indeed come from scanning adverts in the paper, but it could also come from telling a friend about what you're looking for, who tells their Mum, who has a friend who is looking for someone just like you! Or maybe it could come from you placing an advert, advertising your skills and desire for a job! There are many ways things can happen. Be open to all ways.

STEP 4 – Make your change a stretch—but believable
It's important that you really believe you deserve it, or can have/be this change. If you don't, it will stay as a dream and not become a reality. If you have big dreams, then you may need to break it down into achievable steps. For example if you dream of owning a Ferrari but you currently drive a Ford Escort – the stretch from your current car to your dream one is (for most people) too big and not believable. However, the step-up to driving a top-of-the-range BMW from a Ford Escort would be a big stretch for most people, but it is also what I call 'do-able'. If you make this step-up, moving up from the BMW to the Ferrari is now not such a stretch. This works for all of your life changes no matter what they are. For example it's a similar big stretch to go from doing meditation sporadically to having a practice of doing it daily. An interim stage may be setting time aside to do it a couple of times a week.

STEP 5 – Give yourself realistic timeframes
Very few big changes can be wrought overnight. How long do you expect it to take before you achieve this desired change? For changes that are going to take more than a few weeks, you need to have goal posts. Grab the calendar off the wall, take out your diary, or open up your online calendar and put in dates for these stages. Make the dates significant to you. For example if you set a goal that is stated "In six weeks time I will…" it doesn't work because it can be six weeks from tomorrow and still six weeks from the day after that and so on. But if you set the timeframe as, "By my birthday, I will…" then you can visibly notice the diminishing amount of time you have to bring this change about.

STEP 6 – Take inspired actions
No matter what you want to have, be or do – there are many ways of making it a reality. Some ways are easier than others. We often miss the short cuts and easier paths because we can't see our own wood for the trees. Ways to see the faster and/or easier routes include: gathering more information; asking friends how they would approach it; and asking your intuition for guidance. This last way may sound a little airy-fairy, but in the 'doing' part of your desired change, your brain is in charge – so much so it often ignores any intuitive messages.

A great way to tap into your intuition is to sit quietly, close your eyes and do 5 deep breaths, then ask yourself a question about how to make your desired change happen. Intuitive messages will come to you via pictures, feelings in the body, through a voice, and/or an emotion that you suddenly feel. Intuitive messages don't appear as: "What you should do is x, y and z" If your answer comes in a logical format like this, please know this is not your intuition. A symbolic picture, a warm fuzzy feeling, sweaty palms, or a voice of someone else (not your own internal voices) is how your intuition 'talks' to you. The symbolism may not be immediately clear, but with just a little time considering what it means to you, your answer will usually be revealed. Inspired actions come from looking at your answer to see how you could do things differently, to make your desired change happen.

STEP 7 – Gratitude for what you have now
The Law of Attraction states that what you focus on, you attract into your world. This law applies no matter what it is you focus on. So it's really important to make sure you are focusing on the change you want and not it's lack. For example, if you are in debt, and you keep thinking about how hard-up you are, how difficult it to pay your bills, how much you can't buy the things you want – then you will attract more 'not enough money' into your life because you are focusing on that more than having the wealth you want. The same goes if you keep concentrating on the job that you haven't got, the weight that your scales display, the absence of a soul-mate, or anything that you feel is missing in your life.

The best way to change your focus in these situations is to start appreciating the things that you already have. Actively expressing gratitude for all the wonderful people, experiences, processions, and health that you have, as well as the wonders of nature all around you. This is the most powerful way to change into your life. If this is new to you, try writing down 5 things every evening in a Gratitude Journal. An easy way to begin doing this is to complete these sentences:

I am grateful for… I am so lucky that… I really appreciate…
I am really blessed to… I am thankful for…

…AND FINALLY
Helping people change things in their lives is at the core of what I do! I have many, many different ways to help you – no matter if you think it's hopeless, that you're at a cross-roads and don't know which way to go, or you're in a rut, stuck in the mud, hitting brick walls – these don't faze me! I will help you change. All you need is a heart felt desire and a willingness to experiment doing things in a new way. Call me on 01305 772220, or on 0845 83 86 733 (lo call rate) or email me at jennie@reddandelion.co.uk to book a trial coaching session. And, as always, do let me know how you are getting on with any changes that you are making in your life – for I love to hear from you too.

WHAT NEXT?
Try out a coaching session! I offer a discounted trial session for £35. This is for anyone who would like to see what it is like to be coached by me. To book, call me on 01305 772220 or 0845 83 86 733 (lo call rate) or email me. You can pay by credit card, bank transfer or cheque.

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