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life coaching tip - from february 08 |
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Choose to create a wonderful life
We are always and continually at choice. This is one of the hardest concepts for people to realize. Our society indoctrinates us with ideas that we are limited beings that we have do things in a certain way. Whereas the truth (as I see it) is that our choices are far wider than we imagine. Why is this concept of being choice hard to take on board? Because if you truly step into choice, then you also have to take full responsibility for your choices. For most people that's a truly scary concept – for then there is no-one you can blame – it's all down to you. I have come to see that difference between people who become successful vs those who struggle is not what crops up in their life, but rather how they choose to handle it. Truly successful people will take a difficult issue / situation and see what they can learn, what opportunity might be lurking - and if they can find none, then they let it go, chalk it up to experience and move on. This is what Churchill said: "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist see opportunity in every difficulty" – so true! Lets look at an example: Imagine you are in a relationship that is bringing you down, but you are still in it. What are your choices? You could choose to stay. Or you could work on putting it right – Relate, counseling, coaching, opening up to seeing the patterns that keep occurring. Or you could choose to leave and make a new life for yourself. If you consciously choose one of these options and take full responsibility for your choice, it means accepting the outcome. If you stay, you cannot blame your partner for pulling you down because it's your choice to stay – not theirs. If you decide to work on putting it right, know you are responsible only for your choice. You can't be responsible for your partner's choice - which may or may not to try to put things right. If you decide to leave as a conscious choice, then again, you can't blame your partner for making you leave, for making you suffer, because this was your choice. Note – there is never a universal right or wrong. Each choice in the above scenario will be the best choice for some people and not for others People say, "Jennie, it isn't this easy!" And no, it's not. Situations are rarely black and white. But it is amazing how many people accept a second rate life, tie themselves into unhappy lives because they are afraid of making a choice. Please know that I don’t believe that by simply choosing something, makes it happen. Nor is it necessarily easy to step into conscious living. It is however, the first step. Choosing to live your life differently – it begins with a choice and knowing that there are always choices. You are free to choose a different course if this one doesn’t work out – as long as you take responsibility for it too. Lets go back to the original idea. That this is a great time of year to begin choosing what you want to do. What would you really want from your life? How do you want to live it? What do you want to be – right now, in February 2008? PRACTICAL STEPS Looking at what you have written down, what is the first thing you want to be / do / have in 2008. Now this choice is made, consider what needs to change? At this point, people often get stuck, because it’s rarely one thing that needs to change, and sometimes taking the first step feels like it will cause a domino effect. If this is what you’re facing, talk to your friends, family or me. When you’re in the middle of the woods, it is sometimes hard to see the trees. Know there is a solution to every dilemma. Often more than one route will lead to the same result. If you are still stuck, ask yourself: • What is holding me in this place that I no longer want to be in? This last question can be particularly useful. Take that feeling, now visualize it. See yourself doing this new thing. Let that feeling seep through you until it feels really real to you. Now hang on to it. Often the ability of ‘seeing in your mind’s eye’ or ‘feeling’ how the new life will be is one of the fastest ways of getting there, for the subconscious can not distinguish between imagination and reality in the way the conscious mind does. So much of your life is actually governed by the subconscious that if you can get it 'on-board', you are literally half way there! For inspiration see: www.weboflove.org/bestinspirationalpoems Two of my favourite poems – “Our Deepest Fear” and the “Invitation” are on this page – they will lift you! Mike George’s book “The 7 Aha!s of the Enlightened Soul” (Amazon link) also discusses choice and responsibility so eloquently. This book – it's my bible! WHAT NEXT?
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I received an email yesterday enquiring about coaching. The woman asked whether it was asking too much to have a wonderful job AND to have a special man in her life. When stated in simple terms like this, I'm sure you too would say, “Of course you can have both!” You are right. Yet, this request is not as unusual as you might imagine. However, it usually shows up in far more convoluted ways like: “I have a this great job working with really wonderful people. It challenges and stretches me and I feel really luck to be doing this. It also pays me very well but it demands so much of my time that just the thought of trying to find a new partner or time to spent with them is simply too much for me.” Suddenly it feels like the choice is so much harder to make.